


The Most Dangerous Thing is to Love

by oksanhell



Category: Killing Eve (TV 2018)
Genre: Angst, Confrontation, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Niko is mentioned, Slow Burn, basically soft villaneve on the run from the 12, ish, theyre in love, villanelle being fragile
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:29:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25057003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oksanhell/pseuds/oksanhell
Summary: Eve turns. She sees villanelles body, still, unmoving, turned away from her. She wonders for a moment if Villanelle will turn or if she has truly given up on… whatever they have. The thought chills her. She won’t let her, she won’t let Villanelle walk not after everything.Takes place right before Eve and Villanelle turn to face each other and how they journey through the world running from the 12.
Relationships: Eve Polastri/Villanelle | Oksana Astankova
Kudos: 47





	The Most Dangerous Thing is to Love

Eve turns. She sees villanelles body, still, unmoving, turned away from her. She wonders for a moment if Villanelle will turn or if she has truly given up on… whatever they have. The thought chills her. She won’t let her, she won’t let Villanelle walk not after everything. She thinks of walking to her, of pulling her and forcing her to look at her, to confront what this is. Just as she is about to take a step, Villanelle turns. Even from that distance Eve can see every part of Villanelles face, every muscle and their subtle movements as if villanelle is trying to repress something. They stare at each other for a few seconds that feel like much longer. Eve takes the plunge; she slowly starts walking towards Villanelle. Villanelle looks surprised, she is probably not used to not making the first move. Eves steps are slow and gradual, the space between them decreasing slowly. Villanelle starts too, her steps much larger, much faster. The space slowly dissipates until they stand face to face once again.

The next day Eve meets with Carolyn, who at the moment is surrounded by paperwork regarding Pauls “suicide” that she has to deal with. “I want protection, Carolyn.” She is surprised by the confidence in her own voice, Carolyn is surprised too.  
“I assume that protection will include Vi-“Carolyn starts.  
“Yes.” Eve says it in a way that implies that she will not fight about it. Carolyn catches onto that. She knows which battles to fight and knows this will not be a victory for her. She nods solemnly and they begin concocting their cover story.  
Villanelle and Eve are officially dead. Witness’ state that they were both on the bridge, that they jumped into the rushing water beneath them and that their bodies were never found. Carolyn says that Villanelle and Eves past will not catch up to them, not a promise a statement. She gives Eve a package, containing a burner phone, passports and identification documents. Eve, who is taken aback, wonders how Carolyn could have predicted this?  
“It was inevitable really… And I quite like being prepared.” Carolyn says blankly. Eve stares wordlessly, mouth agape.” I will contact you through the phone if anything of interest happens. Money will be sent to you, in cash.” Eventually when Eve’s shock wears off, they say their final goodbyes, which despite the lack of visual indications, was rather emotional.  
She gives them exactly three days to prepare, which gives the two of them enough time to drain all accounts of money and collect any valuables. For Villanelle valuable things are all the clothing she can fit into a suitcase, which evidently is quite a lot. Eve realises that after years of travelling here and there Villanelle must be quite experienced when it comes to compartmentalization. For Eve it’s a framed picture of her and Niko, something she is yet to give up, and as much clothing as she can get into the suitcase without Villanelle bugging her to “chuck it”.  
They Leave the next day, not a single serious discussion between the two of them since the bridge. The silence is comfortable but it is thick, full of things left unsaid.  
They’re going off the radar, not to Alaska though, but rather a hidden gem called Procida, a small island just south of Italy. Eve assumes it won’t be their final destination. She knows that their future doesn’t include them settling down in one place and living a happy peaceful life until they’re too old to care for themselves. They land at the Naples international airport, take a short drive to the docks and a ferry to the island. They book a room at La Suite Boutique Hotel. Their room is small, but still luxurious, Villanelle wouldn’t settle for anything less. They will however, be forced to share a bed, but that is not important right now.  
Villanelle is silent and Eve wants to talk. She wants to pull everything out of Villanelle. This silence between them is somehow worse than their time apart, its suffocating. She knows there will be plenty time for conversation later, they have their whole lives ahead of them now. And still, she craves to know. A part of her wants to pry, to start the conversation first but she looks at Villanelle and sees nothing but fragility. She sees something in Villanelle that is different, a slight shift but she noticed. She treats her differently now that she knows how much Villanelle can hurt, how much deeper her pain seems to cut. She sees her as a china tea-cup, small and fragile, and she does not want to drop it.  
She is pulled from her thoughts when Villanelle stops staring out of the window and instead turns to look at her. The look gives her a chill and makes the hair on her arms raise. It’s the same glare she received just a few days prior, at Tower Bridge, an expression so difficult to read as if it was an ancient script that lost translation through time. She looks harder studying the expression, mapping the contour lines of her face, she swears she sees a hint of hope. Villanelle looks as if she’s contemplating what to say. Eve hopes it’s something, anything even crumbs to satisfy the curiosity in Eve. “I am hungry.” She says. Eve rolls her eyes, “we basically just ate.” “We ate three hours ago, I have a massive appetite” Villanelle groans. Eve concedes and pics up the phone connecting to room service, and despite the fact that they do indeed eat, she still starves.  
Villanelle falls asleep first at around 10pm that evening. She sleeps silently and Eve watches. She is thinking again. She watches the gentle rise and fall of Villanelles chest. She wants to reach out and touch her but she fears getting burnt. She watches and thinks until past midnight before falling into a deep sleep. She is at ease, but she shouldn’t be considering she’s on the run and lying next to one of the most dangerous women on the planet.

The week flies by. Villanelle has become more… just more. She talks more, she eats more she drinks more. She is less of a shell, and more of something else. It isn’t the Villanelle Eve is used to, mostly because she’s not as much of a dick to eve as she usually is. She is more gentle, softer. Her touches still burn though, no matter how subtle. She smiles in a way Eve believes is genuine, she seems content. Eve wonders if this is how Anna made her feel, if perhaps this is nostalgic for her.  
“Where do you go?” Villanelle asks. Eve turns to face her.  
“Huh,” she stutters, “What do you mean?” Eve is caught off guard.  
“It’s like you sink… In your thoughts, you just get absorbed there. What do you think about?” Eve wants to tell the truth, she thinks about her mostly, her lips and her eyes and her past, and what happened to her after what happened on the bus, and before the train. She wants to know everything. She settles for a lie.  
“Everything.” Well nearly a lie. It’s the truth but also a great deflector of the truth. She really does think of everything. Where they’ll be going next, how long till they’re found, who knows they’re alive? All these questions she asks herself over and over every single day.  
Villanelle thinks too. She thinks about her mother mostly, which is rather weak of her considering what she did. She thinks of her brothers and whether or not they’re okay. She thinks about how Helene is probably on a war path somewhere. She thinks about how the 12 used Dasha to manipulate her. She thinks about Konstantin. She hurts because of Konstantin, his selfishness is something she wish she’d realized sooner. He was never her family, that was just a tool that he used to control her, to bend her into compliance. She knows that now and it hurts.  
The past few months have just been a series of her being slowly chipped away at. First eve stabbing her, then Eve telling her she didn’t understand her feelings towards her, her mother rejecting her, Dasha manipulating and lying, and Konstantin ending up being a bigger cunt than she thought. Truly a series of unfortunate events. But in the end, all that misfortune ended here, with her being with Eve.  
Villanelle, although it may not seem like it, plans ahead. She already has several locations in mind for where they should be travelling next. She thinks they should leave for France. She visited a small city there called Colmar when she first settled down there at the very beginning of her contract with the 12. It’s beautiful, colourful and not that populated, perfect for a week or two.  
“We should go here.” She shows Eve a map in a small European travel guide.  
“France… are you sure we can handle that?” Eve lets out a small chuckle.  
“I am over it,” She draws out each syllable as dramatically as she can. She subconsciously puts her hand where the scar is, which doesn’t go unnoticed by Eve.  
“Besides it was a long time ago, it would be petty for me to keep bringing it up.” Eve huffs in response.  
Eve wants to bring up the scar on her shoulder. She has imagined Villanelle’s reaction to it, but she wants to truly know what she would say. She doesn’t think that they are there quite yet. Eve has also wondered about the scar she gave to Villanelle, she wants to see it, to touch it, one of only living reminders of that deep darkness she has. It is there still, the darkness it leaks a lot less now that Villanelle is with her.  
“Okay so why Colmar specifically?” She asks.  
“I went there when I just started…” Villanelle starts, “I want to see if I still feel that excitement, the nostalgia of what I felt all those years ago.” Her voice is uneven filled with repressed emotion.  
“When should we leave?”  
“As soon as possible, we can stay there for a week or two. It is really small and it is very beautiful.”  
“Alright, let’s start packing then? I’ll book the tickets we can leave tomorrow morning?”

During the painfully long flight Eve thinks of one thing. She thinks of the bridge. Of how close they were, how she was so clearly unwilling to give Villanelle up. The memory stains her mind like blood on hands.  
They arrive at Paris Vatry Airport the next morning and then take a bus to Colmar. The drive is nearly 5 hours long including one stop to eat, Villanelle pleads for more stops but Eve just wants to get there as fast as possible. When they eventually arrive, Eve is awestruck. It truly is beautiful, the architecture is a combination of France and Germany, which isn’t surprising considering the fact that it is so close to German borders. From the bus the two take a taxi and travel to Hôtel Le Maréchal which is “The best hotel in this city” according to Villanelle. Eve believes her of course, there is no doubt in her mind.  
They book the luxury suite, the most expensive room because Villanelle fought with Eve about it extensively in the hotel lobby. It’s really nice, which is not surprising considering the price per night. The bed is incredibly comfortable, and you can see little Venice from the balcony. Room service is… Divine.  
Over the next few days Villanelle and Eve travel all over the Eastern part of France, going shopping at all sorts of places. Eve has basically had her entire wardrobe redone which is something she should’ve seen coming honestly. After a long day of shopping and eating and being pulled through small crowds of tourists they return back to their hotel room. While they’re enjoying their very expensive dinner, Eve hears the low buzz of the phone Carolyn gave her coming from the travel bag she’s been carrying around. Villanelle carries on eating, unphased, and Eve goes to answer it. She goes into the small on suite bathroom to let Villanelle eat undisturbed.  
“Hello.”  
“Hi Eve, I have some rather unfortunate news-“ Eve’s stomach drops and she interrupts Carolyn.  
“What is it?” Carolyn sounds rather fragile, Eve can hear it in her voice.  
“Konstantin, he has been found dead in Cuba, the reports say suicide but I kno-“  
“You don’t have to say it...” Eve is shocked, she can’t form a coherent thought right now. “Is there a body? What does it look like?” She asks even though she doesn’t want to know.  
“Yes unfortunately, it looks like he shot himself, one shot, through his skull, simple and neat, no evidence of a struggle, a perfect contract kill,” Carolyn sighs out deeply, “Eve if they are cleaning up their messes, you and Villanelle are in danger, don’t trust anyone.”  
Eve thinks… She thinks about everyone they’ve come into contact with, she tries to remember any suspicious encounters.  
“What should I tell her?” Eve nearly whispers in case Villanelle is listening.  
“I suggest the truth Eve. Don’t sugar-coat it. She must know the truth. Now I must go, good luck, we will be in contact once I know more.” She immediately ends the call. Eve is perplexed, she feels like a deer in headlights. Villanelle knocks on the bathroom door,  
“Eve are you okay?”  
“Uhm, yeah I’m fine I will be out in a second.” Eve thinks of what she will say, she doesn’t know how to plan for this, to prepare herself for Villanelle. She thinks if she was to be killed, she’d rather have Villanelle do it anyways, so if she dies because of Villanelles reaction then so be it, but she cannot lie. She will not lie. Villanelle deserves better than lies, he was her only family. At least Eve thinks that.  
She walks out of the bathroom; the sky is nearly completely dark. She hears Villanelle humming something. She’s not quite sure what it is. She approaches the bed and sits next to Villanelle.  
“I have to tell you something.” If Villanelle notices the worry in Eve’s voice, she does not show it.  
“Hmmm, okay.” Villanelle raises an eyebrow.  
“It’s really bad…”  
“Eve spit it out.” Her expression is playful, she’s in a good mood at least Eve hopes so.  
“A body was found in Cuba, Konstantin’s body.” Eve blurts it out. Don’t sugar-coat it.  
Villanelle is unresponsive for a moment, a heavy shadow dances across her face. Eve is not quite sure what to expect, she does not yet entirely know how Villanelle deals with loss. Eve sees the tears beginning to swell up in her eyes, it quite frankly catches her off guard. It doesn’t feel like the crocodile tears Villanelle gave her that first night in her house back in London. It feels real, genuine.  
Villanelle’s knee begins to bounce, like she’s trying to repress what she’s feeling. A million thoughts go through her head, she shouldn’t keep it in anymore. She slowly begins to erupt. Villanelle jolts up in a fit of rage and anger. She walks around the hotel room screaming and crying, destroying everything in her path. An agent of chaos, Helene’s words ring in her ears. She knows this is her fault, everyone she loves dies and it’s because of her recklessness. This is a warning, Helene knows about them and it’s just a matter of time before whoever she sent to kill Konstantin catches up to them. She is angry, fury jolting at her finger tips, but her sadness is far greater than that. She sinks down against a wall and puts her head in her hands.  
It is easier when there isn’t a body, then you don’t have to believe it’s true. Konstantin’s cold dead corpse is too real for her. She thinks about how if she was there, she could have possibly stopped it, she could have protected him. She feels a strange feeling now, one she wouldn’t be able to describe. Guilt. It bubbles up inside her and another wave of hopeless grief hits her. She’s still against the wall, the remaining pieces of her shattering against the floor of their luxury hotel room. She feels powerless and cold until she feels the ghost of gentle hands on her arms. She looks up to see Eve crouching in front of her, they make eye contact. Villanelle feels like she can see the inside of Eve’s head.  
Eve moves to sit next to Villanelle not breaking the intense eye contact. She slowly wraps her arms around Villanelle’s tired body, and pulls her in to lean against her. Villanelle doesn’t resist, she melts into Eve. She puts her head on Eve’s shoulder. Her body shakes as she begins to fully sob into Eve, who realizes this is the first real contact they’ve had. The subtle touches can never compare to this because this is so real and so intense that it nearly does not feel like it’s actually happening.  
Villanelle lets it all out. She cries for Konstantin, for her mother and for Eve. Eve is nothing but patient, she gives Villanelle all the time she needs. Eventually the crying subsides and is replaced with tired breaths. Eve thinks about how to move forward. She decides quickly.  
“Do you want to talk?” She says gently against Villanelles head.  
“Yes.” It’s a faint whisper but it’s there.  
Eve slowly begins to stand, when she is back on her feet, she gently pulls Villanelle up and leads her to the bed. The lay down, the same way they did in Villanelles Parisian apartment all that time ago, facing each other. Eve slowly moves her hand to Villanelles face, slowly dragging her fingers along the soft skin. It lingers there before she moves it down to hold Villanelle’s hand.  
“I’m sorry Eve…” Villanelle starts, “For everything. I look back now and I realize how wrong I was. I was so selfish…” Her voice is soft and broken but it is genuine Eve knows that she can feel it.  
“I’m sorry too, I shouldn’t have stabbed you in Paris. I was just so angry about bill about Niko about Carolyn. I was so frustrated-“  
“Stop.” Villanelle interrupts her. She moves Eves hand to her stomach to the scar. Eve looks down at her hand, where she had pushed in the knife. It gives her a shiver.  
“I don’t bleed anymore, not for you.” Eve moves her eyes back up to Villanelles.  
“What happened?” She repeats the question she asked at the Rivoli Ballroom.  
“I went back to Russia-“ Villanelle chokes out. She breathes in deeply, holding back her sobs. “I found my mother…” All Eve does in response is nod in encouragement, beckoning Villanelle to continue.  
“She was still alive, and so was my brother. They were living with a new family, she had remarried.”  
Villanelle stops to breathe again. She squeezes Eves hand, Eve squeezes back. Its comfortable, she feels safe.  
“I thought I found home, I think. I’m not sure what home feels like. But it felt warm,” she starts, “She blamed me for my father Eve. She said I was the darkness, that he was afraid of me. She asked me to leave.”  
Eve breathes in, this is what she wanted and yet she feels an intense wave of dread.  
“You don’t have to carry on.” She tells Villanelle reassuringly.  
“I want to,” Villanelles gaze is soft, vulnerable, “I killed her, I killed all of them but not my brothers.”  
“How did it make you feel?”  
“Broken, lost. I didn’t want to kill after that, I asked to stop. I didn’t want to anymore. It changed me Eve.”  
“Do you know where your brothers are now?”  
“No…” Villanelle moves her body so that she’s lying against Eve, still holding hands. Her thoughts flicker back to Konstantin.  
“I loved him-“ She manages to get out before breaking into a sob.  
“I know.”  
“He was all I had.” Eve moves her hands to Villanelles face and moves it to make her look at her.  
“You have me now.” She leans into Villanelle then, to kiss her. Its not the kiss on the bus, the gentle violence of it. Its soft at first then becomes something more. Greedy and authentic, filled with frustration and anger and love.  
Eve realizes she loved Niko, but not like this. Her love for Villanelle was different, is different. She wishes she had realized before. This is intoxicating, its fire and fury, its raw and its real. She doesn’t have to pretend for Villanelle. Villanelle doesn’t have to pretend for her.  
Villanelle melts into Eves lips. She realizes love is like an ocean. She will gladly sink into Eve until her final breath escapes and her lungs are filled with water. She wants eve differently now, not to own or control the way she did before, but to love and be loved in return.  
Eve pulls away their faces barely apart. “You’re not a monster Villanelle…” She whispers against her lips, still brushing her fingers along the soft, tracing the angles of her face adoringly. She leans in to kiss her again, more fervently than before.

A week has passed since finding out about Konstantin’s death. Carolyn has made no contact with them yet and a feint part of Eve wonders if it’s because she’s already dead. Eve hopes not because she is their only hope at survival, Carolyn is their only way of knowing whether or not The 12 are onto them yet. Until that time comes, she will enjoy living this blissful ignorance with Villanelle.  
They wake up every morning, a tangle of limbs and hair. A lot has happened over the week, a lot of confession and forgiveness. Eve feels content, for the first time in possibly years. Villanelle feels safe with her, she feels loved.  
She compares Eves affection to Anna’s, because that’s the only love she thinks she has ever known. It does not come close in comparison. She feels held and understood. She knows Eve’s affection isn’t a result of pity, she knows Eve isn’t using her, isn’t manipulating her.  
They touch more often now. Holding each other, kissing, embraces but nothing more. They both know they are not ready for that, no matter how much they want it.  
On one day in particular during a breathless exchange of hungry kisses, Eve pulls away. She looks into Villanelles eyes.  
“I love you.” She says it and means it.  
“I love you too.” Villanelle says it in between breaths and she knows its different from the first time. She knows she doesn’t have to try to convince Eve that its true this time. She isn’t using it to hurt her.

Eventually they are forced to break away from the comfortable confines of their hotel room. They’re moving out of the country again, they both know its necessary but staying in France is dangerous. Their next stop… Alaska, rather fitting. They prepare for the cold by buying heavy duty coats and jackets, the side of “fashion” Eve finally has more experience in.  
After nearly an entire day of flying they finally arrive at Ted Stevens Anchorage International Airport in Alaska. Eves phone buzzes, she races to answer it.  
“Hi Eve.” Carolyn says, sounding rather weak. Eve lets out a sign of relief at the sound of her voice.  
“Oh, thank god I thought you were dead.” She nearly screams.  
“Nearly…” She breathes out.  
“What?”  
“Eve the party is over they know you’re alive. I have no doubt they know where you are right now at this very moment.”  
Eve is perplexed. A wave of panic hits her.  
“Eve it is important that you come back to London, you will be protected here.”  
“We just got to Alaska.” She mutters through panicked breaths.  
“Eve do you think they will care that you’re jet lagged? Get back to London now if you value your safety, her safety.” The phone cuts off.  
“Villanelle, change of pla-“ Just as she barely spits the last word out she hears the ringing sound of a gun shot fill the airport. Villanelle grabs her and pulls her behind a reception desk. Eve is in shock Villanelle can see it.  
“Listen look at me Eve. Look at me, just breathe were going to be okay.” Villanelle pleads.  
“I…“ Eve can’t form any words.  
“Eve trust me, I need you to walk. We can’t get out of here if you don’t walk. Do you think you can do that?” Eve nods quickly, shaking from anxiety. Villanelle slowly pulls her up and looks over the reception desk to see if she can see the shooter. The airport is empty, all the people that were in there, of which there weren’t many, had fled. She sees no one and hears no one. Villanelle sees a sign for the emergency exit and makes her way towards it, holding Eve as close as possible.  
They make it through the back and find themselves at a small bricked courtyard, mostly covered in snow. It looks beautiful, Villanelle thinks. She can hear sirens blaring in the distance. She turns to Eve who seems to have calmed down, her chest rising evenly, her breath becoming more gradual and her panic subsiding.  
Eve looks back at her. She doesn’t know what to do, for once she is completely blank. She can’t form a single idea of what to do next. A voice breaks her from this awkward state of nothing.  
“You think I wouldn’t find you?” A thick French accent chuckles from the shadows. “I have eyes and ears everywhere do you really think your little holiday would go unnoticed?”  
“Oh my god you’re obsessed with me… Helene get over it I’m not coming back.” Villanelle says, dryly.  
“You can’t just leave the 12 Villanelle, we are the future. You’re bound to us.”  
“Never really been much for rules, have I?” Villanelle says sarcasm and disdain leaking into her voice.  
Helene scoffs and raises the gun to Eve.  
“I will make you a deal, its either her or you. I only have to kill one of you.” She says, staring right into Villanelles eyes. Villanelle knows it’s the truth, Helene doesn’t play with life, not like this anyways.  
“Say the word and I’ll pull the trigger and you can be done with this. You’re better than this. She is your Achilles heel, and you are so powerful. You can have anything you want.” Eve looks at Villanelle then, she’s not worried she knows Villanelles choice.  
“I don’t want anything, I have everything I’ve ever wanted.”  
“That’s not what I was hoping you’d say Villanelle. This is rather disappointing.” Helene sighs.  
A split second later the sound of a bullet cutting through the air fills their ears. Villanelle looks at Eve, but she is unaffected. She feels it now, the sharp pain of the gunshot vibrating throughout her chest. She looks down to see the red spot expanding at the bottom of her ribcage. She immediately applies pressure with her hand. The sirens she heard before get closer and Helene is no where to be seen.  
Villanelle falls to the ground and Eve runs towards her, pulling her body onto her lap, putting pressure on the wound.  
“Help!” Eve screams through sobs. “Somebody help me!” Gunshots fill the air again, close. Eve continues screaming until someone finds them. He radios in for an ambulance.  
“Thank you, thank you so much.” Eve whispers to him. All Eve can hear is ringing, panic and pain filling her body.  
“Eve.” Villanelle’s voice brings her back to the present. She looks at her hands, there covered in warm blood. It leaks onto the snow creating a perfect contrast between the pure white and the crimson red.  
“Look at me.” Villanelle whispers, putting her bloody hand on Eves face, leaving streaks of red. Eve looks at her now.  
“I’m not ready to lose you.” She barely manages between sobs. “I love you.” She puts her head against villanelles, closing her eyes.  
“Would you turn?” Villanelle asks through her increasingly pale lips blood beginning to seep out of them. Eve looks up and into her eyes.  
“What do you mean?” She’s confused and feels like the world is crushing her.  
“Would you turn,” Villanelle groans out sweat forming on her forehead, even in the cold. “Would you turn if you knew this was how it ended?” The words barely escape.  
“Yes.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hi this is my first published fic i guess, i'm pretty new to writing fanfics, i'm a long time reader though.
> 
> ps. i wanted to make the ending as ambiguous as possible so you decide what happens after THAT.


End file.
